We often hear the expression “The Love of My Life”, “My Soulmate”, “My half”. All these expressions that imply that there would exist somewhere a person “made for oneself” and by extension that there would not be much to expect from others in love.
So what is “Love of my Life Meaning”? Is the concept of “Love of my Life” viable for guiding one’s love choices or, on the contrary, is it a good way to miss out on love without even realizing it?
There are always two major currents that oppose when we talk about finding love. Those who think that what will happen will happen, that we have a soulmate, a man or a woman of his life, those whom we will call Fatalists and others who think that love is a matter of conscience, of desire to build, of choice and of will, which I will call them the Behaviourists.
Fatalistic thinking is comfortable in the sense that it allows resignation and never leads to questioning. “If it didn’t work, it must not work”, “If we split up, it must not be the right person.”, “If he or she did not want to see you again, it was not the man or the woman of your life”.
Except that this pretty idea of a single person, “made for oneself”, that would exist somewhere, and with whom, in some way, if we met her, love would still exist without having any effort to do, because it’s “she”, because “it’s written”, is an idea that finds no foundation in reality.
We agree that there are no two identical people, and to make things worse, even if at a moment “t”, we can imagine two perfectly complementary people in all, the human is thus made that the external elements and its own history make it evolve and, change. Consequently, at the moment “t+1” nothing assures that these two same people will always be synchronous.
Life is not a long calm river, as the famous adage said, and that is only so true. If we think that the reason why we don’t get along perfectly and naturally with someone after a time is because it was not the “right person” then we risk to never find this so-called “good person” because the synchronicity of two existences on the whole length is completely in opposition to the concept of personal evolution.
The likelihood that two people remain perfectly complementary and synchronous in their personal evolution, such as a pair of geometrically symmetrical rails over a whole life path, is virtually impossible.
Finally, to realize that the notion of “love of my life” is a myth does it mean that it is impossible to make one’s entire life with the same person who is different?
Obviously no! What makes someone unique is not of the order of destiny and, here again, we oppose the Fatalists but, of the order of the action and the will of each one with serious affinities at departure means.
To illustrate the point, here is an extract from the Little Prince of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry:
- What does it mean to “tame”? Said the little prince.
- It’s something too forgotten, said the fox, it means “creating links”.
- Creating links?
- To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you “tame” me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in the entire world. To you, I shall be unique in the entire world.
And that’s it. The only one in the world to whom I believe is simply the one with whom we have been able to create links. That’s what will make him unique to us. To create bonds and to succeed, by love, will, envy and conscience, to maintain them throughout the different and natural evolution of both.
If one is aware of this, then, there is no man or woman in his life. There are potentially lots of possible “soulmates”, and it’s up to us to create, develop, maintain and nurture the bonds. Nothing happens like that and we must not expect anything from the fate that we have not even helped to build. This is valid in a lot of human companies but it is even more so in the business of love.
So when someone asks: “and, if the love of your life is on the other side of the world, will you never meet him or her?” The answer is: “why to seek for what is on our doorstep?” The Love of my life is everywhere, just decide together to build. What will be unique is not the person in himself but the links.
The advantage of this positivist and behaviourist attitude is that at no time do we rely on fatality to explain its failures, or at least its missed successes. This allows you to question yourself every time and try to correct yourself, to better control the tools that will ultimately allow you to choose a person who is worthy of it and to fight together so that the links never break, or as late as possible, to be more realistic.